


Heartache's Hunger

by Natty



Series: Hunger, Taste and Touch [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dubious Consent, Enchanted Merlin, F/M, Love Potion/Spell, Magic Revealed, Mind Manipulation, Morgana Wins, Out of Character, Powerful Merlin (Merlin), Short, Starvation, magic restraints
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:54:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23387680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Natty/pseuds/Natty
Summary: Morgana puts two and two together and realized exactly how Arthur always manages to come out on top. Without access to his magic, Morgana and Morgause capture Merlin along with Arthur, Uther and Gaius. And so, for the first time in a long time, Morgana gets just about everything she wants while her enemies sit in the dungeon and wait to starve.(Somewhat based on S3EP13 The Coming of Arthur Part 2. So, I guess what you might need to know to understand this is that 1 Morgana knows about Merlin’s magic and 2 Morgause has already made an alliance with Helios, so they have both his army and Essteirs army on their side. I've tagged this for dubious consent because it is implied that people are sleeping together while one of them is under a love spell.)
Relationships: Merlin/Morgana (Merlin)
Series: Hunger, Taste and Touch [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1806169
Comments: 4
Kudos: 99





	Heartache's Hunger

When Morgana’s men had dragged their little group down the stone steps to the dungeons the castle had been filled with the sounds of screams, clashing of metal against metal and somewhere between the two, the cloying sent of magic. The men holding Arthur, Gaius and Uther threw them down onto their knees in a cell. They didn’t let go of Merlin though. Arthur got back to his feet as quickly as he could, ready to yell for them to let his servant go. But, none of them struck him or shook him. One of the men produced what looked like a metal collar. To Arthur’s shock, Merlin let out a horrible little noise as though he’d been burned as the collar closed around his throat. They threw him down into the cell beside Arthur and he had this strained look on his face as his fingers brushed against the cold metal around his neck. The cell door slammed shut and Arthur knelt beside Merlin trying to catch his attention, but he seemed oddly dazed. His fingers scrabbled against the collar for a moment as though he thought he could claw it off and Arthur pushed his hands aside to examine the thing. 

It wasn’t steel, Arthur noted as his fingers ran over the ugly metal, maybe iron then. Despite its place pressed to Merlin’s skin it stayed freezing cold. Caught between worry for His Father, his kingdom and his friend, Arthur flited around the tiny cell without settling. For the first few hours, Merlin couldn’t quite seem to keep his hands off the collar. Gaius said nothing, occasionally his worried eyes would look to Merlin but for the most part he remained focused on the king. Merlin was detached from the events going on around him. He moved clumsily like a man deep in his cups, but as time wore on, he seemed to come back to himself. He became more aware, as though having adjusted to a new equilibrium, nevertheless, something about him still seemed off to Arthur. 

They had been in the dungeons all night and they hadn’t slept, not even for a moment. The king shook and muttered, his face pale and eyes unfocused. He murmured to himself about Morgana and seemed utterly unaware of the small crowd tending to him. The sounds of battle from above had faded throughout the night and Arthur had waited for his knights to begin to fill the cells around them… but they stayed empty, no prisoners then. There were a few guards that stood, stone faced in the shadows of the dungeons, but they ignored Arthur when he yelled about how a king ought to be treated even when held captive in his own castle. 

By the time the early purples, pinks and blues of dawn began to filter down through the small bard windows, the castle seemed to have gone entirely silent. Arthur wondered about Gwen. What fate could she have met while the castle was overthrown by Morgana and her witch sister. His world was in disarray. Morgana was a traitor, Uther was in some horrible state of shock and at his side, Merlin seemed stiff and unwelcoming, almost like another person entirely. Arthur watched Uther and Merlin, glancing from one to the other in quick succession. Merlin’s mind was clearly far away even as he helped Gaius tend to Uther. 

At some point Arthur had tried to talk to Merlin but his servant had looked at him with glassy eyes and said, “She must know… right?”

“Know what?” He prompted, but Merlin shook his head with a mumbled ‘never mind’ and said no more. 

When daylight overtook dawn the men from before returned, dragging a few of Arthurs knights. They were locked in the cells farthest away from their prince. It was solid proof of their defeat, but all Arthur could feel was relief that at least not all of his men had perished. One of Morgana’s men strode over to Arthur’s cell and looking to Merlin with purpose announced, “She wants to see you.” 

Still slightly disoriented, Merlin blinked at the man, “No thanks.” He said eventually and Arthur was just as confused. He looked at Merlin and back at the man. Maybe the fool was confused as well and meant to be addressing Arthur. What could Morgana want from Merlin now. 

“Don’t think it was really a request.” 

Merlin shook his head. “I’m not going.” 

The man gave a noncommittal shrug and walked towards the stairs. “I’ll let her know your not ready.” 

“what?” Merlin said after him, receiving no response from the man’s retreating back.

…

Arthur watched Merlin from the hard bench at the back of the cell. In some ways Merlin had gotten a lot better since the morning, the confused dizziness had all but vanished by midday, but his servant was still shaky and an unhealthy hue had settled over his skin. Arthur couldn’t quite bring himself to look at Uther anymore. “What does that thing do to you?” He said and Merlin glanced at him nervously. 

“Um,” Merlin cleared his throat, “well, I’m not entirely sure.” He looked down and then rested his head against the bars of the cell. “I mean, at first it made me feel confused. I’m not… I’m not sure what else.” 

“Oh…” Arthur stared at the back of Merlin’s head. “Do you think it’s magic?”

“Yeah…” Merlin cleared his throat again, “It probably has something to do with… with magic.”

“Why do you think she put one on you and not me.” 

Merlin cleared his throat a third time, “I’m not sure Arthur.” 

“What do you think it does Gaius?” 

Gaius looked up from the king. His face was crinkled with worry, a look of deep discomfort on his face. “Well, I’m not sure sire.” He shared a wary look with Merlin, “There are a great many things that such a device could do…” He trailed off. “As for why the lady Morgana has chosen to use it on Merlin- Well, there was a time when the two of them were very close, this could be a part of her attempt to  
distance herself from her old life.”

Arthur stared at Gaius for a moment then looked back to Merlin. He opened his mouth to laugh off the idea, but his servant was looking at Gaius with wide eyes and Arthur could remember an uncomfortable conversation in a stairwell when he’d tried to warn Merlin away from Morgana. He shook his head. They’d never been lovers. Arthur was sure. Merlin would never do that, never but, there had been something there and if Morgana had felt it too then… Arthur let out a long shaking breath and walking forward to lean against the bars beside Merlin, he called out to the knights on the opposite side of the dungeon. 

Gwaine, who was mirroring Arthur’s position from his cell tossed a small stone through the bars at one of the guards closest to him. “Oi, you, how about something for lunch. Some of us just fought a battle.” 

Just like that Arthur was thinking about it and he figured so were Merlin and the knights too. They hadn’t eaten since lunch the day before and the dull ache in his stomach that Arthur had been ignoring made itself known. It got worse, far worse when in place of any other response all the guards laughed. 

“Perhaps you could share the joke.” He said dryly, the worry didn’t sound in his voice. He didn’t look worried; his back was straight, and his face was calm. Arthur had learned well how to play the game of never flinching, it didn’t mean his heart wasn’t in his throat. 

The guards all laughed again, and one said, “You’re going to get a lot hungrier.”

…

Dusk was miserable. Arthur tried grabbing on to the bars of the small window and hauling himself up to look out at the courtyard but the scene of blood-spattered stone and fallen bodies made his stomach turn. So many of the crumpled bodies wore the plain clothes of peasants from the lower town not the red and gold of Camelot’s warriors. Morgana. He still couldn’t believe she had done this.  
The dungeon was sparsely lit by a few candles when Merlin joined Arthur at the back of the cell. “I want you to see if you can break it off.” 

“What? Arthur said absently, eyes still on the barred window above him, pondering a way out. 

“This stupid collar Arthur. It has a hinge at the side, and I want you to see if you can force it. I can’t do it myself, I’m not strong enough.” That certainly caught Arthur’s attention. First of all, it was a joy to hear Merlin admit that Arthur was stronger since he seemed content to pretend otherwise most days but better than that it was a distraction from this miserable sense of hopelessness. 

“Sure, show me the hinge.” Merlin turned his head to the left and yanked his scarf out of the way. The first thing Arthur noticed was the hinge. It was large and ugly, like the rest of the collar and the rusted filthy edges seemed to suggest age. Again, Arthur wondered how it served Morgana, it seemed like a needlessly petty act. It seemed meant to embarrass Merlin more than anything else but then Arthur took a look at Merlin’s neck where the collar met his skin. The skin had turned red and raw, angry looking scrapes and cracks had begun to form, reaching up towards Merlin’s jaw like pressure fractures in poorly cooled steel. He looked at Merlin’s face, he wasn’t sure what to say and he couldn’t understand how the wretched thing could have caused so much damage in the few scant hours it had been locked around Merlin’s neck. 

“Do you think you can get it off?” Merlin said, still not looking at Arthur. 

“I’m not sure. I’m going to try, it might hurt.” 

“No, that’s fine.” Merlin replied, his fingers curing into fists at his sides. 

Arthur reached up to grasp hold of the collar at either side of the hinge. His fingers jumped away on first contact in surprise. The horrible thing was still ice cold where it pressed into Merlin’s skin, no wonder he wanted it gone. This time expecting the cold, Arthur grasped the metal and forced his fingers around it even though it pressed the other side harshly against Merlin’s throat.  
It wouldn’t give. He tried a few times more, but his luck didn’t change. Eventually Merlin pushed Arthur’s hands away, “This isn’t working. Thanks for trying.” 

The last rays of sunlight had vanished when a group of guards descended the stairs. In the center of the group stood a tall man, a well-muscled obvious warrior. His arms were bare, and they bore a great many scars, illustrating the story of many battles fought and won. Arthur felt unsettled, this man was not dressed as a guard and he moved with a smooth confidence that Arthur recognized from personal experience. This man was a killer through and through. It seemed like another oddity to send such a man to visit them. They had no way out; they were no threat. 

“Well hello,” He said as he ran his gaze over the bedraggled group. “I must say I expected more.” Arthur straightened up to face the man but before the prince could answer he continued in mocking tones. “You’re not particularly impressive for someone to have caused a queen so much trouble. A group of guards should be more than enough to handle you lot, but her highness sent me along in case her gift hadn’t been effective.” It wasn’t until then that Arthur realized the man was looking to Merlin as he spoke. “I am Helios and I am the greatest killer of men you’ll ever know. Though by the looks of it you’ve had your wings clipped little bird. What does it feel like I wonder, Morgana says it feels a little like fire; makes it hard to think. No tricky little plans working away up there?”

Arthur interrupted before Merlin could respond. “Leave my servant be Helios, it’s me you should fear, I am Arthur Pendragon Crown Prince of Camelot.” 

Helios let out an ugly snort. “You? In that cage with no sword, no authority and no one’s little tricks to help you?” He turned his gaze away from Arthur again, “The Queen has asks you to join her for a meal.” 

Merlin looked at the man curiously. “All of us?” 

“No,” Helios sneered. 

Merlin smiled innocently at the brute, “Then no.”

…

Arthur spent most of the night watching Merlin, while the man in question rested exhaustedly against the back wall of their cell. Morgana was going out of her way to do something to Merlin and Arthur didn’t understand why. As far as he could tell she was giving Merlin far too much credit. It was like she new something, or at least thought she knew something that Arthur didn’t. Merlin was no tactical genius, whatever plans and tricks Helios had been talking about must have been at least half Arthur’s ideas. He wanted to ask Merlin about it but the man looked so miserable that he couldn’t quite bring himself to broach the topic. He wondered if it really was about some strange infatuation that Morgana and Merlin had shared. Gaius had been completely unhelpful on that front, though occasionally he would go to Merlin and they would whisper together about the collar and how none of them could get the damn thing off. 

The rusty iron broke Merlin’s skin near dawn. The servant had been asleep, his head resting heavily against the stone of the cell wall, resting at an angle that revealed the red and raw skin of his neck when it seemed to happen. His head suddenly jerked, and he let out something between a gasp and a shriek. The horrible little noise was so agonized and primal that even Uther turned to look. Merlin’s hands flew up to scrabble against the metal. Gaius was at Merlin’s side, moving with a speed that gave lie to his age. Merlin’s fingers were covered in blood, he let out a choked sounding sob. Arthur hurried over to help Gaius pull Merlin’s hand away from his neck. Merlin sobbed and thrashed against Arthur’s grip while Gaius examined the raw skin of his neck. Gaius shook his head, “The metal has worn away the skin.” 

“What do we do? Why is it hurting him so much?” Arthur asked.

Merlin jerked in their combined grip. Gaius replied calmly as he stuffed Merlin’s scarf in between his skin and the metal, “There is not much we can do, if the collar is not removed an infection is almost certain.” He glanced at Arthur from the corner of his eye. “I’m not entirely sure why its causing so much damage.” 

Merlin’s breath came in shuddering pants, his head lulled, resting limply in Gaius’s grip. “Sorry,” he said breathlessly. 

Arthur stared at Merlin in shock. The red of Merlin’s scarf looked wet and heavy around his throat where it sheltered his skin from the freezing metal. Arthur opened his mouth to say something, maybe a joke, maybe a nasty barb about Merlin’s courage or pain tolerance or… He closed his mouth. Merlin was looking at him expectantly, his gaze skittering with pain. Arthur was sure that collar couldn’t just be metal, he looked at the rusty iron, it had to be some kind of magic. Something corrosive and cruel and Morgana had done this. Somehow that was what drove it home. The blood on the cobblestones outside hadn’t been enough, the hunger tearing at his insides hadn’t been enough but this, Merlin shaking from some kind of slow, unseen agony... Morgana was a monster. Arthur pulled Merlin’s head onto his shoulder; it was more for his own benefit than Merlin’s.

…

Around midday Helios returned. He stood in front of the bars with his arms crossed heavily over his chest. He looked irritated, impatient, “Look, the way I see it; she’s offering you warm food and a change of clothes in exchange for nothing more than your company.” He stood there for another minute before adding, “or you can stay here and be hungry.” 

Merlin looked at Helios for a long moment. His strength had seemed to return to him as the day had dragged on. He still wore his scarf tucked into the collar to separate it from his skin. Dried blood flaked away from the cloth whenever he turned his head. It was a gruesome sight, more about alluding to injury than any visible gore. “What a gracious offer… I’d rather starve.” 

Helios’s lips curled in a nasty smirk, glancing between Merlin and Uther. “You might yet, he will.” He gestured at the king’s slumped from. “Its what our Queen wants, to let him starve down here while she feasts from her seat on his throne.”

Arthur jerked up from his spot near Uther as though he’d been electrocuted. Merlin just kept looking at Helios, his voice was dull as he said, “That’s horrible.”

Helios walked back up the stairs out of the dungeon without so much as another word. He didn’t turn to listen to Arthur shouting and rattling the bars of the cell. 

…

Helios didn’t return again until the sun had set. He was grinning like a wolf, the self-satisfied smirk of a bully who knew he was about to do something mean. “It’s easy to say no to an idea, it’s harder to reject the things we need when they are right in front of us.” He waved his hand.

A group of servants came slinking into the room, staying close to the ground like frightened dogs and laden down with heavy trays of hot food. Strawberries and apples, fresh bread and roasted pork. The smell filled the dungeon, chasing away the sent of damp and dust. 

Merlin closed his eyes as his stomach twisted with want. The smell of food made him dizzy. When he opened his eyes again, he noticed the extra guards that must have followed the servants into the dungeon. He could imagine them forcing Arthur and Gaius away from the food even as they shoved it towards him in temptation. He shook his head. “I won’t eat or drink anything she offers me.” 

“We’ll see.” Helios answered as he picked up a warm slice of bread from one of the trays. He bit into it indulgently and walked over to lean against the bars. “You should do as your told maybe then your queen will take that hunk of metal off your neck.” 

Merlin startled at the sound of Uther laughing. “You’ll never get it off.” They all turned to blink at the wasting king. “They never get them off… just find them in the ashes in the morning, won’t even burn.” Uther gave Merlin and ugly little smile. It was the first time he’d seemed present since they’d been locked in the dungeons. Merlin’s blood ran cold.

…

Helios and a group of guards came back into the dungeons less than an hour later. Helios had the look of a man who had been told off. Merlin wondered if he’d been fighting with Morgana, she couldn’t be impressed with his failure to impose her will on the prisoners. One of the men unlocked the cell and they filed in. Two of the men grabbed Merlin and yanked him to his feet. Arthur lashed out angrily, throwing himself against the guards that cornered him and shouting a long string of profanities that weren’t very princely. Merlin could still hear the sound of Arthur’s rage as he was dragged up the steps from the dungeons. 

It was surreal, the halls of the castle seemed at once entirely the same and completely changed. There was an unspoken difference. The normally bustling halls were full of quite servants trying to keep their heads down. They knew him, but none of them looked at or acknowledged Merlin as he was frog marched towards the throne room. He was exhausted; the pain from the collar had advanced from a cold prickle on the skin of his neck to a dull ache in his throat that stung when he swallowed, hunger made him dizzy, but he did his best to stay observant. It would take one slip up to undo all that Morgana had done. Nothing looked promising. 

The doors to the throne room swung open for Helios and the two guards marched Merlin in behind. Morgana was sitting in Uther’s throne, Morgause stood at her side. At a wave of Morgana’s hand, the guards holding on to Merlin let go and left the room, then it was just Morgana, Morgause, Helios and Merlin. It was strange to stand in a room where everyone knew his secret. There was nothing for him to hide, his magic had been discovered and Morgana had responded to it with a cold iron collar around his throat. Morgause’s eyes were full of contempt but the look on Morgana’s face was more pity than anger. “Hello Merlin.” 

The doors opened again, and Merlin turned to stare at the newcomer. A servant had entered the room carrying a heavy looking tray of food. Her hair was messily scraped back, her face was haggard but proud. “Gwen?” 

Her head jerked up at Merlin’s voice. She gave him a tentative smile and place the food on the small side table next to the throne and stepped back. Taking her place behind Morgana as she had at dozens of meetings, tournaments and feasts, as if nothing had changed. He wondered if she knew, if she understood what the collar around his neck meant and if she thought it was any more than he deserved. From his place beside Merlin, Helios sent Gwen a shameless grin and Merlin’s stomach twisted for an entirely new reason. Morgana treated Helios’s interest in Gwen with a dark glee. Her green eyes flashing smugly as she viewed the obvious flirtation. 

Standing from the thrown, Morgana picked up a red apple and sauntered over to Merlin, a self-assured cat stalking her pray. Wordlessly, she held the apple out to him, and he looked down at it. It was a glossy, rich red and her skin looked stark pail in contrast. She wore glittering rings on her fingers. The same vicious red of the apple reflected in the rubies that adorned her. “It would be poetic I suppose for you to poison me.”

She shook her head and withdrew her arm to take a bite out of the apple. “Merlin, I know… You know I know.” She looked at the collar sadly, “When I first realized, I was so angry. I just couldn’t believe… but now, now I see. I finally understand why you follow Arthur around like a lonely dog. I understand the fear that drives you and why you hover so close to him. I can help you though, I can save you.” There was something bitter in her voice, but it still sounded like a plea.

Merlin drew in angry breaths through his nose. “The more you speak Morgana the less I think you understand me at all.” His voice was horse and rough, he could only blame so much on the collar. 

She grabbed a hold of his arm like she wanted to shake him. Those pointed nails digging into his skin through his worn blue tunic. “Merlin, we want the same thing.” 

He shook his head, mind suddenly filled with the gory images of the courtyard, “No Morgana, we don’t. Send me back to Arthur.” 

…

When he’d been returned to the dungeons, Arthur and Gaius had been asleep. It was almost late enough to be called early and Merlin was dead on his feet. When the cell door slammed shut after him it woke Arthur. They stared at each other for a long moment before he said, “What did she want?”

Merlin shrugged mechanically, “I’m not entirely sure, but I saw Gwen.”

Arthur’s face lit up with hope, “Was she alright? She hasn’t been hurt has she?”

“No, she was fine, I wasn’t able to talk to her, but I don’t think she was hurt, just…” He briefly considered telling Arthur about Helios, “She just looked worried, that’s all.”

Merlin walked over to Arthur and slid down the wall to sit on the floor next to him. “Did you eat anything?” The prince asked.

“No, of course not.”

Arthur ground his teeth for a second before he blurted out, “You should!” He sounded angry and Merlin turned to look at him feeling a little lost. “You should eat Merlin. Its stupid for you to refuse. You need your strength, maybe more than any of us since you’ve that thing around your neck.” He shook his head angrily. “I know it’s hurting you whatever else its doing, and-” He stopped and swallowed hard, turning to look Merlin in the eye. “I do think I know, what it is that it’s doing to you.” There was no sound in the dungeon other than their shaky breathing. Arthur couldn’t see anything but Merlin’s wide unhappy eyes. “Or what it’s stopping you from doing.” 

Merlin said nothing. It was dark, Arthur was barely more than an outline, but Merlin just stared at him, his eyes stinging and throat closing up in a way that had nothing to do with the collar at all. Arthur looked at him, searching his face intently before he nodded. Then without any more words he reached out and wrapped his arms around Merlin. He had been angry, betrayed and stung and then he just wasn’t anymore. Merlin pressed his face against Arthur’s shoulder and wept. They fell asleep with their heads resting against each other silent and unsure of what would come next. 

The day that followed was much the same. Arthur said nothing and neither did Merlin. There was an unspoken wait between them, something had changed but for now it didn’t matter. They were left alone for almost the entire day. Merlin helped Gaius coax Uther into drinking water from the trough in the corner and they all drank heartily once the king had his fill. Arthur eyed Gaius throughout the day wondering if he knew Merlin’s secret, but of course he did. Merlin couldn’t have kept the secret on his own. 

Morgana came into the dungeon only as the sun was going down. It was the first time Arthur had seen her since their capture. She was crowned and splendid, a strange contrast against the dark, damp and dreary walls of the dungeons. She spared him a cruel glance and Arthur didn’t even recognize her. He didn’t get up to face her. None of them did. Hunger had made them weak and it didn’t seem worth the trouble of dragging his bones up from the floor. Besides, her focus was entirely on Merlin, at least now Arthur knew why. He wondered how long they had known each others secret. Had that been something they’d shared? Had magic slowly corrupted Morgana into this wretched witch? Was it doing the same thing to Merlin even as they sat in their dirty cell? It didn’t feel right somehow, that wasn’t the story, but Arthur was starting to feel he would never find out the whole truth. 

“You’re not going to starve here Merlin; I won’t let you.” She spat and Merlin just rolled his eyes, “If you won’t eat, I’ll have someone force food down your throat. It will be painful and humiliating and there’s every chance you’ll get hurt, is it worth it?”

Merlin blinked lazily, looking at her as though he had something better to do. “I’m sure it will be terrible; you do what you feel you must do.” 

She ground her teeth in anger and swept out of the room.

…

Morgana was back in the dungeons before the sun had properly risen the next day. Merlin and Arthur woke to her figure standing just short of reaching distance from the bars. “You’re not going to eat.” 

Merlin sat up groggily and said, “You don’t say.” Flat and disinterested. 

Morgana answered with a smile. “I understand, I should have realized much sooner and not waisted my time.”

A strange sense of dread filled Merlin at her expression. She did not look like a woman about to give up on what she wanted. He cleared his throat, trying to force the sleep from his mind. “Your right, you shouldn’t have waisted your time bothering me.” 

“You won’t eat while Arthur goes hungry. You’re trying to protect him, even in here.” She slammed her hand against one of the bars, “I was confused, thought you were using him, but you really are just that loyal, aren’t you?”

Merlin said nothing. The creeping sense that something very bad was about to happen made his mind sharpen. There was food sitting on a plate on the stone floor. Easily within reaching distance from within the cell. An apple, a generous slice of bread and a small pile of rolled sweet meats. Morgana pushed the plate closer to Merlin with the tow of her shoe.

“So, lets change tactics.” She said and one of the guards stepped forward to hand her a small well polished crossbow. Morgana secured a bolt, the early morning light glinted off the sharp metal tip as she levelled it at Arthur’s head. “Eat.” 

Merlin reached through the bars and picked up the bread. He hesitated, glancing at Morgana and she sighed, “It won’t hurt you.” 

He took a few bites and stopped. The sent of food was making him nauseous. An unfortunate by product of having gone without for so long. He finished the bread without looking up from the food. The strange thing was that he could barely stomach the idea of eating anymore. He glanced at the apple but forwent it in favor of nibbling on a slice of meat. After a while Morgana seemed sated, he hadn’t cleared the plate, but he was certainly full, and he hoped Morgana would leave him be. The thought of even one more bite made him want to be sick. As if wishing had made it happen Morgana lowered the crossbow, snapped her fingers at one of the guards who picked up the plate and then strode out of sight. 

...

The next time Morgana came to the dungeons with food, she made no effort to hide the crossbow. “Same deal.” She said in the same casual tone she used to say good morning to them in the halls.  
The food smelled heavenly. Having eaten again for the first time in days, Merlin’s hunger had reawakened, and he was ravenous. He still hesitated to touch the plate before him. Morgana rolled her eyes impatiently and gestured at Arthur with the loaded crossbow. “I will kill him. It’s not the way I want it to happen, I imagined something far more drawn out, if he doesn’t starve in the cells than maybe he’ll burn in the courtyard like so many before him.” Her eyes had taken on a far way dreamy look as she spoke, but they refocused on Merlin as she continued, “But if you won’t eat, he can die right here right now, with a bolt in his throat.” 

Merlin sighed and lifted the first bite of food to his lips. “There’s a good boy” 

Merlin ate quietly for a moment. Not looking up at Morgana, not looking at anyone. It happened very suddenly. He was just struck with the desperate desire to spit the food out. To be sick and cleanse his body of whatever he had swallowed. There was something twisting in his gut, something that had latched onto his magic and was rapidly working its way through his body. “What have you done?” He gasped, looking up to her and his eyes weren’t blue they had turned a sickly version of gold, too pail to be his own magic. “Morgana, what did you do to me?” 

She shook her head and her face was just blank as she said, “Its not poison.”

“What?” Merlin collapsed to the ground. The world going hazy and then disappearing entirely as he lost consciousness. 

Heedless of the crossbow still in Morgana’s grip, Arthur rushed to Merlin’s side. “What did you do to him?” 

Morgana smirked and gestured for the guards to open and enter the cell. “Take him.” One of the men pushed Arthur way from Merlin while two others took hold of his arms and hauled him up. They carried him out of the cell and out of sight.

Morgana stayed in front to the cell for a long moment, staring at Arthur with nothing short of triumph in her eyes. She turned and began to make her way out of the dungeons after her men, then she stopped. Her skirts whirled about her as she turned back and swiftly walked to the bars. “Its alright Arthur,” She said, and her voice wasn’t just cold, it was almost frenzied. “When he wakes, he’ll still be Merlin, only different. But don’t worry too much, I expect you’ll never see each other again.” And then she was gone. 

…

It was easy to forget how fine Merlin’s features actually were. Morgana and Gwen had laughed about it more than once. Back when everything was simple, and it didn’t seem such a waist of time to gossip about their friends. Maybe it was because he spent most of his time making dopy faces or perhaps because he dressed himself with less care than a sack of potatoes. Morgana leaned back in her chair waiting for him to reappear. He didn’t mind changing a dozen times to make her happy. He thought maybe he ought to though. He’d rather have spent his time close to her. Learning everything about the power that simmered under her skin and called out to his and drew him in like a magnet. He had missed her, terribly, and he wasn’t sure why because he couldn’t imagine anywhere, she could go that he wouldn’t follow.

His magic had turned wild, like an animal caged too long, growing restless and desperate. It battered against the walls of his consciousness and it made the glass in the windowpanes rattle when he entered a room. Agitated shock waves that yearned to reach out and just break something. It was everywhere and she was his only foil. Nothing else could match him. Nothing else could touch him at all and he wanted to be near her. He didn’t understand it, but he didn’t mind. There was a ring of bloodied and cracked skin around his neck. He had opened his eyes to her while she cleaned away the gore and he hadn’t even felt the pain, not while she was so close. 

He was wearing blue. The fabric was finer than anything he had ever owned, and he couldn’t focus on it because she was too far away. He couldn’t reach her. He couldn’t touch her, and the distance made his magic roar in displeasure, making the fires rage hot and bright. Then he rounded the corner, great whirls of blue fabric spinning behind him as he walked to her and she smiled. Morgana looked him over and was about to speak when the door was thrown open and Morgause marched in.

He could have killed her for the interruption and his magic answered the thought making the stone floors rumble ominously. He could tare the whole castle down around them. Morgause strode up to her sister without looking at him. “Is playing dress up with your Merlin really the best use of your time at present sister?” Her voice was harsh and unpleasant. He could reach into her throat and pull it away, cut the cords that made up that sound. It graded on him. 

Morgause shot him a look that was fear as much as it was contempt and he knew she had sensed that thought. It was too strong for her not to. Morgana rolled her eyes before dragging them to her sister’s irritated face. “Well, nothing else is pressing. I sent rations to our captives.” Morgause made a face, and Morgana sighed. “Just bread and water and none for Uther, let Arthur share if he likes.” 

Morgause shook her head and began to rant about focus and maintaining power and… Merlin didn’t really care. He tuned her out and watched Morgana, stone and steel, utterly unflinching.  
Eventually Morguase stormed out of the room much in the same fashion that she had entered. Merlin shut the door with magic and locked it, a satisfying click. Morgana smiled at him and looked over the clothes. “Put the black one back on.” 

…

Less than a full month after she had taken Camelot, Morgana had everything she wanted. There was a heaviness that hung about the lower town and the castle halls were quieter than she could ever remember them being, but Camelot was well and truly hers. Uther faired worse everyday and she was content to let him waist away in the pit he had dug for himself. Arthur had withdrawn into himself since Morgana took Merlin, he was likely planning something but without his secret warlock Morgana doubted he’d ever succeed. Morgana had taken Gaius from the cell two nights after enchanting Merlin. The cuts caused by the cold iron collar had become badly infected and she needed someone to treat them. It was odd though, Merlin didn’t even seem to notice. He was pleased to see Gaius though and the old physician didn’t make a fuss about Uther, Morgana wasn’t surprised, he had always been the type to fall in line. No wonder Uther had kept him close. It didn’t bother her to set him free either, it was more fitting for Uther to have less company. Let him have a brief taste of the isolation she had been forced to live in. 

She had even been sleeping well. Her visions warded off by her bracelet and the steady rhythm of Merlin’s heartbeat. His magic hadn’t settled since taking the collar off, and when she rested in his arms, she could feel it wrapping around her. She felt utterly unassailable and it was no wonder Arthur was so arrogant if for even a second, he had experienced Merlin’s affection. She felt as though just by touching him, she could feel the entire world. Places far beyond Albion and forces far greater than any the old religion had taught to her. 

…

It was the wind that woke Morgana. It rattled the windows and broke against the castle all the while moaning and howling like a wounded animal. Merlin wasn’t beside her in bed and the room was swelteringly hot from the combined flames of the fire and candles that cast nightmarish shadows about the room. She saw him leaning against the open window a dark silhouette against the flapping curtains, who’s eyes glowed to put the fire to shame. “Why are you awake?”

Her voice startled him. He spun about to look at her and his eyes were wide and miserable. His skin was covered in a thin layer of sweat but when she reached out with her magic, she could tell he wasn’t sick. His magic was the wind, and the fire and it twisted in torment that she couldn’t understand. “Morgana, something is wrong.”

“No,” Her voice was barely audible over the wind. She shook her head. There was nothing wrong with him. “No Merlin,” there was some steel in her voice now, “Everything is exactly the way it should be” 

He stared at her and ran his hands through his hair until it stuck up in all directions. Then his face crumpled as though he wanted to cry but just couldn’t. “Something’s wrong, so wrong, I,” His breath caught and shook as he searched for words. “It’s like… it’s grief.”

The storm outside redoubled its efforts. Morgana could hear dogs howling in the lower town and the dangerous creek of old buildings facing what was just short of a hurricane. 

…  
Morgana had barely slept. It had taken most of the night to coax Merlin back into bed and once she’d managed it, he slept like the dead. Morgana had remained awake though. Something had woken in her gut and an unfamiliar kind of dread filled her until morning when Morgause arrived. Her sister walked in without knocking and stopped at the foot of the bed to take in the seen. Morgana was curled around Merlin while he slept. Her limbs felt heavy and despite his warmth she was cold. Her thoughts were torn between an unknown misery and the unsettling memory of Merlin’s storm from the night before. 

Morgause looked at her for a long moment before walking around to the side of the bed and sitting down. She ran a hand through Morgana’s hair, completely ignoring Merlin. “Uther died in his cell last night.” She said in a soothing tone, “Arthur is of course a mess. I recommend you put an end to him today. Let the people see how broken their once proud prince is, then do him the favor of putting him out of his misery.”

Morgana looked at her with sunken eyes. “No, not yet.” 

“Why wait, sister? He’s broken now, get rid of him and then there truly will be no one who can contest your right to the throne.” The edge of frustration she had been trying to hide for the last few weeks finally broke freely into her voice. 

Morgana’s voice was dull in response again thinking back to the storm of misery Merlin had set loose, “I think it might break the spell.”

“There is no spell on Arthur.” Morguase wrinkled her nose as though she could smell something foul. 

“The spell on Merlin, killing Arthur might break it.” She thought of the Lady Catrina and the amulet she had used to ensnare Uther. “I think he feels Arthur’s grief.”

“What matters more, securing your place on the throne or keeping your pet falcon?” There was a definite harshness in Mogause’s voice now and that wouldn’t do.

Morgana rose from her position. Her dark hair tumbling about her shoulders. “I’m a Queen sister, I can have both.” She swallowed and looked down at Merlin’s sleeping face. “I just need more time.” 

“It’s a reckless waist of time. This won’t keep Arthur from fighting for Camelot! Kill him now! Kill him while his despair stops him from working against you. You can re-enchant the boy or get another.” 

Her rough gesture towards Merlin shook the bed but he didn’t stir. The fury of the storm came back to Morgana again. Merlin had never wanted to kill her, in hindsight that was perfectly clear. She wondered if losing Arthur would change that. “If I lose control of Merlin now, he could still ruin everything. Send Arthur something to eat.” 

The disgust in Morgause’s voice was almost something Morgana could taste. “You want a boy from Ealdor? I will bring you a dozen, just let this one go. He can’t foil your plans if you tell him to slit his own throat tonight! You know he’ll do anything you ask.”

Morgana shook her head. Her sister’s fear of Merlin had become quite apparent in the days since she had removed the cold iron that kept his power at bay. Morgana couldn’t blame her. Merlin had already proved he was a powerful ally but a far more dangerous enemy. Morgana couldn’t fight the smirk that suddenly came to her lips. “I am the Queen here sister. You will do as I command. I won’t sacrifice Merlin and I won’t lose my chance to kill Arthur, I can have everything.” She took a deep breath feeling centered again, “I just need a little more time; I’ll find a way to make this enchantment more permanent and then we can put Arthur in the ground. I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> (A lot of the time I prefer Merlin and Morgana as die-hard friends, teaching each other magic and getting into all kinds of trouble but sometimes I’m suddenly inspired to ship them too. I don’t know why I’m like this…)


End file.
